Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
