They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
