is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
