I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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