Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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