The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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