Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
