That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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