i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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