Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize