All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we made out on top of his cat.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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