Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
worst night to have a conscience
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
