Your tits are I can't wait for
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
