I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
