The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
