I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
