You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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