I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
