Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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