Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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