Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
