I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
