Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
