first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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