I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
