3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
