Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
