you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have tasted many bathrooms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
