As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize