I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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