Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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