haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
