mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
