After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize