Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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