I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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