is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
