i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
