I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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