remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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