Ketchup is God's man juice
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
