A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
