I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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