we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
