why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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