The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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