Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
