Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
