I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
