But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
