she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
