Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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