Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
