Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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