If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
