dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When did angry sex become our thing?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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