Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I understand Curling. That high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My bed smells like the plague
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
