I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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