so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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