Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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