It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you had me at cake vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
