Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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