You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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