Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
