Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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