good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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