I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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