Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
