i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize