Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
