Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
